5 wise men

Five wise men got lost in the forest.
The first one said:
- I will go left – my intuition tells me that.
The second one said:
- I will go right – there is a reason why right comes from the word rightness.
The third one said:
- I will go back – we came from there, it means I will go out from the forest.
The fourth one said:
- I will go straight – we should move forward, the forest will end and something new will open.
The fifth said:
- You are all wrong. There is a better solution. Wait for me.
He found the tallest tree and climbed into it. While he was climbing everyone else scattered towards their own sides. From above he saw where they should go to leave the forest faster. Now he could even see in what order the other wise men will reach the end of the forest. He climbed higher and saw the shortest way. He understood the problem and found the best solution! He knew that he did everything right. And the others were wrong. They were stubborn and they didn’t listen to him. He was the real Wise Man!
But he was wrong.
Everyone was right. The one who went left, found himself in the thicket. He had to starve and fight with wild animals. But he learned how to survive in the forest; he became a part of the forest and could teach others the same.
The one who went right, met thieves. They took everything from him and made him steal with them. But after some time, he had woken up something in those thieves that they have forgotten – humanity and compassion. The remorse was so strong in some of them, that after his death they also became the wise men.
The one who went back, made a pathway through the forest, which soon became a road for those who wanted to walk in the forest without being afraid of getting lost.
The one who went straight, became a pioneer. He visited the places where no one else was and opened wonderful new possibilities for people, amazing healing plants and magnificent animals.
The one who climbed into the tree, became a specialist of finding short ways. People turned to him when they wanted to find the fastest way to deal with their problems, even if it didn’t lead to any development. This is how the five wise men reached their destiny.

吉祥语

在这个吉祥的日子，祝你心光明有力量，所有的好和成就都不会失去

重出江湖

Jake 即将重出江湖... 敬请期待...

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Falling

BOOM

人生的光彩在哪裡？Where is the shine of life?

早上醒來，光彩在臉上，充滿笑容的迎接未來。
到了中午，光彩在腰上，挺直腰桿的活在當下。
到了晚上，光彩在腳上，腳踏實地的做好自己。
原來人生也很簡單，只要能懂得「珍惜、知足、感恩」你就擁有了生命的光彩
(Originator: Don Chia)


The shine is on the face when we wake up in the morning, with a cheery face we welcome the coming of a new day...

The shine is on the waist in the afternoon, straighten our body and live the moment we been...

The shine is on the feet at night, be ourselves on reality and stronger foundation (giok dap sap dei)...

Life could be simple. As far as we know how to appreciate, to contempt, and thanksgiving, we have the shine of our life

(Thanks to mr aloha! for the translation)

大明星2（加強版）

自从我成为大明星后，得到了广大不俗的回响和热烈的欢迎, 所以我决定推出一系列的周边产品，以回馈各位疯狂的粉丝读者。在计划中的有：

Jake The Stamp

Jake the Movie

Jake the Magazine

Jake loves 家好月圆

Thank you

THE END

我是大明星？

我发现，原来我是大明星。
不相信？有图为证。

辣妹为我站台明星们都为我疯狂

为我宣传专辑穿有我肖像的衣服
大街小巷都是我的照片

好了，告诉你成为大明星的秘密吧。
按这里。

二十六

才二十六哦 就残晒啰
生命该经历的还有许多
还有许多 许多

自己吃着泡面躲在黑漆漆的房间里
自得其乐然后自艾自怨起来
艾我自己待人处事还不够利害
怨我自己对许多事都还看不开
现在的日子过得比那淡淡的白开水还要白

同样的歌总是唱了又唱
同样的事总是做了又做
同样的错误总是错了又错
有时后深夜里我会心惊胆跳的问自己
我的理想和抱负去了那里
不明不白糊里糊涂的挨了一身债
噢！我双眼翻白 呜呼哀哉
才二十六哦 就残晒啰
为何现实永远比我想像中的残酷许多
二十六了啰 生命的负担又重了许多

几许岁月就这样蹉跎
这二十六年我做了些什么
才二十六哦 就残晒啰
该做的事情没做完
不该做的却做了许多

白天世界像永不停的浪
充满了挫折和挑战
每一次感觉失去了力量
就急着想回到你身旁
就算再平凡的交谈
也让我充满了希望
多么喜欢能常在你身旁
有太多心情与你分享
就算吃一碗泡面我也可以
有满满幸福滋味在心里回荡

天天都有落叶特别是今夜
当沙沙的风吹每一片叶掉一滴泪
夜夜有人心碎他们相信谁
我无所谓 我冷若冰淡若水
我不为梦留一点空侵掠我紧闭心扉
我愿是风中飘然轻落的叶

生命像一首曲哦 生活像一首词哦
要一句一句唱 一节一节哼
偶尔平平淡淡 偶尔带些激昂

二十六了啰 小心哦
生命的负担又重了许多
二十六了啰 长大了该开心哦
虽然现实生活里充满无情与无奈
但是它依然有许多地方值得喝彩

[不是原创] 一只怪物 Creature

请问: 上图是什么怪物?
Q: What is the creature in the pix?

水煮青蛙

从前, 有两只幸福快乐青蛙, 分别掉入了一小锅水和一大锅牛奶中.
由于牛奶锅太高, 青蛙挣扎想跳出去却跳不出
但是清水锅却很小, 另一只青蛙可以随意跳进跳出
就酱跳来跳去, 突然累了, 青蛙就跳进水里休息一下
水慢慢地煮烧.... 刚开始青蛙觉得很温暖..... 但是突然后来发觉不对劲...
青蛙想跳出去~! 但是全身烧红无力.....
另一只在牛奶的青蛙, 没有放弃, 拼命地跳啊跳啊....
牛奶在青蛙搅拌中慢慢凝固, 变成乳酪....
于是青蛙奋力一跳, 跳出了牛奶锅....

无题

如果人生是下一盘棋
我还在布局
别人的马炮已过了楚河汉界
我还按兵不动
我一直认为要把他们留在我身边
比较安全
没有付出那来的收获
我一直害怕到对岸去
会被吃掉
我以为我的计划是完美的
等待会令我更容易战胜
是别人走的太快
还是我走的太慢
我开始怀疑
或许我需要改变
去想想
人生的这盘棋
下一步该怎么走

再见了, 我的宝贝

自从遇见你, 我的生命有了重大的改变

我变得更有自信, 人生充满了希望
我知道就是你, 你给了我无比的勇气与安全感
让我能在战场上不停的冲刺, 勇猛的杀敌
你我曾经有过无数美好的时光
每个星期一次的约会令我充满期待和兴奋
我跌倒时, 你帮我度过难关
我失落时, 你对我不离不弃
如今我渐入佳境, 你却年华老去
我多么想和你一直走下去
但是..... 今天你... 你... 你... 竟然伤害了我.....
我... 我... 我...
我决定向你提出分手.... 对不起...
再见了... 我的少林羽球鞋

少林羽球: 波, 唔係kam打ka~!
CJ7: 仲踢波? 返屋企啦~!

Health Important Notice ?

少喝奶茶;
Reduce volume of tea;
-- 奶茶有毒? 我基本上很少喝.

不吃 刚烤的面包;
Do not eat bread which JUST toasted;
-- 不要讲刚烤的,烤很久的都没吃过几块

远离充 手机电源 ;
Get a distance from charger;
-- "qiong"的手机电源? :P

白天多喝水,晚上少喝;
Drink more water at the morning, less in the night;
-- 不然会频频夜尿?

一天 不喝多于两杯咖啡;
Do not drink coffee twice a day;
-- 最少一杯,最多两杯,第二杯改喝奶茶,但第一句叫我少喝奶茶, 怎么办?

少吃油多的食物;
Reduce volume of oily food;
-- 没办法,马来人的油好像是免费的.

最佳睡眠为晚上十点至凌晨六点;
Best sleeping time is from 10 at night to 6 at the morning;
-- 唯一做到最称职的.

晚上五点后少吃大餐;
Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm;
-- 通常大餐都在五点后,但是"少吃"嘛,还是可以吃.

每天喝酒不多过一杯;
Do not take alcohol more than a cup daily;
-- 算起来每月都没一杯吧?

不用 冷水服胶囊;
Do not take capsule with cool water;
-- 为什么要吃胶囊先?

睡前半小时服药忌 立刻躺下;
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping;
-- 不是服了药, 好睡觉meh.

睡眠不足八小时人会变笨;
8 hours lack of sleep will make a person stupid;
-- 嘿嘿,听到吗~!不要讲我睡太多~!

有午睡习惯的人不易老;
People who get used of napping will not get old easily;
-- 难怪我老了许多.

若不能晨跑，傍晚5点至 8点的时间是散步的好时间；
If you can't get on early morning runs, 5-8 at the afternoon is a great time for jogging;
-- 傍晚5点至8点比较常下雨.

电池剩一格时不要 接电话 ,剩一格时辐射是平时的一千倍 ;
When battery left last grid, do not answer the phone. The radiation is 1000 times;
-- 是不是一个不接电话的借口?

还要记得用左耳接话 ,用右耳会直接伤害到大脑;
Answer the phone by left ear. It'll spoil your brain directly by using right ear;
-- 我大脑严重被伤害了then.

少用耳机。用一小时后就好休息你的耳朵;
Do not use earphone for long time. Rest your ear awhile after 1 hour.
-- 前后矛盾的建议.


请转发 每一位你珍惜的朋友.
Forward this to friends who you care.
-- 愿大家安康快乐.

How to look Happy at work

How to look Happy at work. Especially good for Customer Care.

As of today all personnel will be expected to look happy at work.
Rubber bands and paper clips will be provided at no cost .

* Workload getting to you?
* Feeling stressed?
* Too many Priority assignments?

Here is the new low cost way to cope with multiple Priority assignments!

Take 2 paperclips and rubber bands.

Fig 1

Assemble them as shown on the picture.

Fig. 2

Apply as shown in fig 3.

Fig. 3

我是一个怪咖

人人喜欢吃虾, 我却不喜欢
大家叫它香菜, 我叫它臭菜
旧系友去爬山, 我忙喊辛苦不要
有人好心劝我七十四别穿黑衣, 我不屑骂人迷信

人人狂欢去clubbing, 我根本没去过
周末我不想有什么节目, 特别是跟同事
路上看到认识的人, 我不会主动打招呼, 甚至想绕路走
我和你认识不深, 所以在人多多的canteen不要一直问我私事

人家租房120, 我租房350
我知道搭巴士能省钱, 我偏偏喜欢驾车
一个人到Matta Fair, 什么都没买就回来
一些钱我不会去计较, 一些人结婚生子就要捞一笔令我发指

1030pm 我就想睡觉了, 720am 我还不想起来
早上到公司上班, 一定会在车上躺, 尽管只是几分钟
830~930am 不要跟我讲话, 我脸黑黑不代表我生气
一个人去吃饭有什么不对? 我更喜欢躲在房间看戏

我是孤独的一匹狼
躲在羊群里搔搔痒
想要学那轻舞飞扬
可是那不是我擅长
为何别人常受赞扬
而我却是其貌不扬
一只长有怪咖的狼
该收拾包袱回家乡

天宫狂想曲

玉皇大帝有4名大将各别掌管天下大事:
钱老爷 - 负责人间财富分配, 经济体系平衡
有食神 - 负责人间美食分享, 卫生环保问题
风火轮 - 负责人间天气现象, 五行星象运气
二狼腿 - 负责人间大小职务, 包山包海包庇

有一天, 玉皇大帝心血来潮, 传叫二狼腿来天宫:
玉皇大帝: 二狼腿听命~! 立刻侦察钱老爷, 有食神, 和风火轮 有没有执行他们的任务, 然后向郑汇报~!
二狼腿: 渣~!　臣马上去办～！
玉皇大帝: 退下～！

于是二狼腿不敢在翘二郎腿，马上如火如荼的赶路去调查３神的职务．首先二狼腿到了股票交易所，惊见交易版上赤字一片，綜合指數大跌．然后二狼腿到星洲互动去看看，发现许多外劳强奸案，掠夺案，自杀案，冷血杀人案, 侮辱国歌案，起诉部落客案，女佣问题等案件．接着二狼腿跑到卫生部去，原来什么禽流感，沙丝，疯牛症，忧郁症，爱兹病，牛奶中毒，医院疏忽，医生拒医人，医生骗钱，诊所不要营业２４hours等等都有，真是目不暇接．紧接着二狼腿到外面去透一透气，怎知下起了大雨，积水,满地都是垃圾，精明防洪大道大塞车．好不容易到了气象局，官员说全球暖化问题日益严重，海啸不直何时再临．听到这里，二狼腿想回家了，才知道汽油起得那么厉害了，油站还一度不想经营24hours. 于是二狼腿想搭巴士回家，但才看到长巴坠沟夺命案，想到都怕怕．走路又怕被掠夺，Ｔaxi也信不过，只好搭ＬＲＴ，经过又挤又热的三温暖后，二狼腿才狼狈不堪的会到家中．

第二天一早，二狼腿马上一五一十地向玉皇大帝报告所查到的事．玉皇大帝听后龙颜大怒，立刻传召3神回宫面圣.

玉皇大帝: 钱老爷~! 人间财富分配不公，股市大起大落，富人更富,穷人更穷, 你该当何罪？
钱老爷： 回大帝, 冤枉啊~! 我做了Cause & Effect (Fish Bone) Analysis: 因为世人不会理财, 好吃懒做, 大学生选工作, 至于案件率高,根据Pareto Chart: 20%的外劳制造了80%的问题, 只要赶他们出去就行了,其他的属于个别案件,没有问题, No Problem~!

玉皇大帝: 那么, 有食神听好, 卫生问题那么多, 你有什么话好说?
有食神:　回玉帝的话，是酱滴，我们有用Control Chart的，一切病历都在掌控之中，没有Outlier, 还有ＡＮＯＶＡ显示：p-value很高，不可以reject Null Hypothesis 的. 那些病都不 significant嘛，no worry la.

玉皇大帝: 哦，酱啊，风火轮你呢？这些天灾人祸你脱不了关系吧？
风火轮：　回玉帝老爷，我们有做Failure Mode & Effect Analysis的啦，天灾嘛，Ｏccourence不高，淹水塞车呢，severity不高pun嘛，全部RPN都很低啦，吾关Ｏ希la.

玉皇大帝: 喂！二狼腿，没有事嘛，你做摸小题大作，来人啊，拖二狼腿下去重打20大板～！还有３神归位～！全部起薪25%. Jom, kita pergi minum.

(圆满结束）